Trunk Kitchen

Chefs

Eric and Ernie

Yes, their chiffon pie has to be seen and cooked to be believed. Bring me sunshine on a plate.

Silvana Franco

Star of TV, magazines and Folky Dokey. It was she who made the sexy potted cheese for the 4th Annual Folky Dokey. There is no picture here, however you can visit the BBC website or something like that. Anyway, a heart of gold has Silvana, and a fine grasp of food, obviously. Her husbands a bit of alright as well.

Chief Inspector Oxford's Wife

Well if you have ever seen the Hitchcock masterpiece 'Frenzy', it has an astounding amount of food i it for a sick horror. Basically, C.I. Oxford has this classic fifties meets the seventies wife who is an experimental Courdon Bleu cook. Everything she cooks for him (pigs trotters, fish soup) is disgusting and he can't eat it. She is marvellous. I love her. It's rare and quite beautiful culinary comedy from Hitchcock, which has me in fits of laughter every time.

Hugh Fernley-Whittingstall

Or whatever he may be called - you know, that bloke from the River Cottage. He is awesome, simply because he is exceptionally old fashioned. He makes the most traditional folky food you could ever wish to smell, eat, or even just look at - like real mince pies with mince in them. I love him and his pigs but I'm waiting to find his cookbook in a charity shop because it's quite expensive and there are records to be bought first.

Rick Stein

I almost like Rick Stein, but the man is quite literally running Padstow, he's all over it like a bad rash. His shops are also exceptionally expensive, like £3.50 for a Rick Stein pasty which is obscene.

Fanny Craddock

The first and most terrifying of all celebrity chefs, well certainly for me. And a massive bitch by all accounts too. I shall say no more and leave Derek to find a terrible photo of her (could only find this one so far). Also, everyone knows what a Fanny is but does anyone know what a Craddock is?

Wendy Craig

in Butterflies. Funny and hopeless in the kitchen.