THIS HARVEY SMITH RECORD.
The painful obsession with all things rubbish and celebrity carries on. This nightmare was sent it to the Trunk HQ by an all knowing fan. Well done knowing fan. This is so, so very bad I love it. Imagine a love song sung by this terrible man. Imagine smooching with this horse person. Terrible isn't it. Well that's how bad this is. I reckon that's one of those Sanyo sponsored horses he's on in the picture. I remember on horse of the year show when all his horses began with the name Sanyo. How shit is that. Please excuse the odd scanning error, but the cat that got lost and then was found two weeks later is recuperating, as a result he is allowed to walk all over the scanner whenever he wishes.

AND THIS MIKE SAMMES I LOVE YOU LP:

He never stops thrilling me Mr Sammes. Note the cheap chokky box cover. This LP is still affordable - I have found two in less than a week at less than £1. The original price of this LP in 1975 was £0.99, so it's doing better than Marks and Spencers shares at the moment. Buy this LP now, buy lots of them, tell your friends. There's agreat Bacharach tune on here and some other treats too. Believe me. Invest now. And it's on that really bad Circle Of Sound label too. But buy it, stick in on ebay with the words “scat” and “rare” and watch it fly.

AFTER THE RAIN - MUDDY WATERS.
Blues records. Fuck right off I hear you say. But no, not this time. Maybe I am mellowing with age or something. I don't listen to blues that much, and this little sucker was at the back of a big pile. I bought it when that crap shop in Oxford had all those unplayed LPs in from the Gramophone Magazine collection. It was insane, they had all these LPs you never see, all unplayed. People were spending like twenty grand a trip, There was me with about 50 quid. Anyway, I bought this and never really gave it a listen. I just read Charles Stepney on the back and thought the cover was sublime. I mean just look at that frog. And listening in on Muddy here, I think he's been licking that there frog and has become very high indeed. This is out there - I mean I started looking to see if my record player was busted. It sounds all wrong, and then all of a sudden you get it. I'm sure my blues period will start and end here.

COSMIC EYE - DREAM SEQUENCE.
I've just finished reading this brilliant book called “In The Sixties” by Barry Miles. He started International Times, hung out with Beatles, Ginsburg (no, not Gainsbourg), The Stones, like he knew everyone. Even Groooooovy Bob the famous Chelsea art dealer who got banged up in the scrubs was one of his mates. Well this great book is all about the subtle birth of British psychedelia and the birth of the swinging 60s in London Town - written very much from the eye of the storm. This LP is exactly the kind of vibe they were on, in mellower moments. I mean it was all Floyd and Soft Machine for parties and happenings, but this is right for the bookshops he opened. Or the head shops that were beginning to spring up in hip street. Ray Swinfield, the man from Mr Benn, is on flute. Amancio D'Silva, him from Goa is on guitar. So it's a British jazz line up doing subtle psychedelia. There is only one track on this two sided album. Good title too.

JOHNNY HAWKSWORTH - CARIBBEAN SOUNDS. I ask you, have you ever seen a
cover that is worse that this. Just look at that drawing. Some of the little De Wolfe library LPs look lovely, good type, weird graphics, but this, I mean it looks as Mr Hawksworth has got his daughter who is still at school to copy a photo and this is a good as she managed and then they ran out of time and had to go with it, hoping that no one would ever notice just how shit the artwork really is. Well time is up, and we have all now noticed. Well maybe it's not really that bad, but just try and explain that steel drum just floating in nowhere above his shoulder. What the hell is that all about. Anyway, moving swiftly on, you'll be glad to hear that the music behind this grim facade is far better. There are about three racey little hip hoppy things with steel drum bits which I dig. If you find an album with a shit drawing on it please send us a jpeg.

CHRISTINE HARWOOD - NICE TO MEET MISS CHRISTINE.
Why oh why oh why.
Wooden ships turned up on a folky funky London bootleg and everyone went Harwood mad. This was about five years ago. Everyone is still Harwood mad. Yes, I admit, I went Harwood mad too. It is an impossible LP to track down. Issued on the dead and obscure “Birth” label, this shoddy rock LP does have its moments. Too few if you ask me to make it
like this classic classic LP, and sometimes I think it's not really worth the hundreds of pounds people pay. But there is a track on the B side which I really like a lot and have been listening to often. On the other tracks I think she sounds a bit screechy squawky. As my mate Godsey says, this is a trophy record. I don't rate her dress sense too highly. I think I might sell this LP.

THE VOICE AFTER THE LARYNX HAS BEEN REMOVED.
There are spoken word LPs
And spoken word LPs. Then there's this. Which is all about spoken word when you can't spoke at all. I've never heard anything quite like it. You know in those odd New York gangster films you occasionally get the godfather character talking with the use of an electric razor like thing held at his throat? Well it's all like that. I have found it fascinating. Someone even sings on it half way through.

POOL-PAH - THE FLASHER:
Bit of an old classic this one, soundtrack to the man who legs it around NYC flashing everyone. I think flashing is a little out of fashion these days, but way back in the early 70s it was obviously the hot thing to do. Have you ever seen John Waters “Pink Flamingos”, where the flasher has tied a long, thin salami to his knob and then goes out on the prowl? Weird. Anyway, this is groovy rocky funk stuff with some electronics thrown in for good measure. Quite nice. I like the pictures on the back. This LP won a sex award or certainly a prize for best sex soundtrack back in the day, however I have been reliably informed it was the only entrant in the competition that year. This year they have won the Trunk special prize for most daft and unpronounceable band name.

GONKS GO BEAT - VARIOUS:
The various artists on the LP are rubbish. Really naff in fact. Hold on though...there are many redeeming features on this terrible record. Firstly, the film, if you have ever seen it, is bonkers. Lots of Brits trying very hard to be hip and groovy, and failing terribly. But the title sequence alone is hilarious. Also, there is a rare performance on the film, early on, by the amazing Graham Bond Organisation. Graham Bond looks like a fat, white Ray Charles and boy does he groove. Like decades ahead of any of the other musicians on this superb 60s flop. So, there's a killer Graham Bond track on this LP called “Harmonica” that's not available anywhere else, and not a bad Lulu track either. Yes, Lulu. She will never be mentioned on this site again, unless of course we find a naked picture of her or I begin a granny sex affair with her. Both are unlikely.

HOUSE SAFE FOR TIGERS - LEE HAZELWOOD:
During his Swedish period, Mr Hazelwood did this. By all accounts it's not a very good film. He did all the music. And he was in the film too. It's the rarest of all the Hazelwood LPs because it was only pressed in Sweden for about a week. Lee is now way out of fashion. He had that big burst of interest about 4 years ago and now no one gives two figs about the bloke. Well I still quite like his dulcet tones and his instrumentals on this soundtrack are alright by me. Weird name for a film though.

KARL HEINZ SCHAFER - TENDRE DRACULA: This was only supposed to be a single. And then I found an LP. On the obscure, mysterious Eden Roc label. Not only does this have Peter Cushing on the title track (I love Cushing, and love him even more on vinyl) but it also has one of those wonderful “Little girl lost” kind of tracks, a bit like P'eau D'Ane and also sung in French. No, I'm not confused. Just in a hurry. Also, putting this LP in this lot of recommendations is a cheap way of showing a girl's bum on this page. Derek doesn't need any excuse at all, do you Derek?